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1. Why these limits?
- A human being cannot live alone; by nature he lives in community.
- If he lived alone he could not carry out the duties Islam has placed on him; carrying out fard kifayah (communal obligations) would become impossible.
- So we must live together with society and strengthen our relationships.
- The rules of ajnabi and mahram are needed to explain the limits to keep while living in this way.
2. What is a mahram (محرم)?
- Linguistically: carries the meaning of "haram" (forbidden).
- Technically: a man or woman whom a woman or man is permanently forbidden to marry, because of family relationship or some other reason.
Women a man is forbidden to marry (his mahrams) – three kinds
(1) Family (blood) relationship
- Mother, mother's mother
- Daughter, son's daughter, daughter's daughter
- Sister (full sister, paternal half-sister, maternal half-sister)
- Father's sister (paternal aunt)
- Mother's sister (maternal aunt)
- Brother's daughter (including the daughter of a paternal or maternal half-brother)
- Sister's daughter (including the daughter of a paternal or maternal half-sister)
(2) Relationship through nursing (breastfeeding)
- The nursing mother, her mothers, and the mother of the (nursing) father
- A daughter through nursing, her daughter, a son's daughter
- A sister through nursing (maternal or paternal)
- The nursing mother's sister
- The sister of the father through nursing
- The daughter of a brother through nursing
- The daughter of a sister through nursing
(3) Relationship through marriage
- The wife's mother (mother-in-law)
- The wife's daughter
- The son's wife (daughter-in-law)
- The father's wife
Memory tip: mahram = those one is permanently forbidden to marry for three reasons: blood + nursing + marriage.
3. What is an ajnabi (أجنبي)?
- Everyone who does not fall under the category of mahram is ajnabi.
- Meanings: a stranger, a newcomer, a non-relative, an unconnected person.
- That is, those whom one is permitted to marry.
4. Six limits to keep when dealing with ajnabi men
(1) Lowering the gaze
Things to avoid:
- Looking at parts of the body that are 'awrah
- Looking with enjoyment (desire)
- Staring continuously without reason or need
Three eyes will not see Hell (meaning):
- An eye that stayed awake in Allah's path
- An eye that wept out of fear of Allah
- An eye that kept itself from looking at what Allah has forbidden
'Awrah (عورة) = the parts of the body that must be covered.
(2) Modest clothing
- A woman should wear clothing that fully covers the 'awrah and is respectable in style.
(3) Islamic manners
- Keeping Islamic manners in walk, dress, conduct and speech.
(4) Keeping away from what arouses desire
- Wearing perfume and heavily decorated clothes – not forbidden while at home.
- But they are forbidden when going out, because they can lead to social corruption.
(5) Avoiding being alone together
Hadith (Bazzar) – meaning: "When one of you is alone with a woman who is a stranger to him, Satan is present as the third with them."
(6) Meetings that consider the good and the needs of society
- Events where the two groups meet should be arranged only with the good and the needs of society in mind.
- Meetings between men and women that take a woman away from her nature, bring her a bad name, or remove her from her basic role bring ruin not only to the two of them but to the whole of society.
5. Conclusion
By keeping these limits that Islam has laid down for our own good, we should bring our relationships to life; this is what keeps hearts alive.
Quick revision
- Mahram = (linguistic) haram; one whom marriage is permanently forbidden.
- Mahram, 3 kinds: family relationship, nursing relationship, marriage relationship.
- Mahrams through marriage: wife's mother, wife's daughter, son's wife, father's wife.
- Ajnabi = one who is not a mahram (a stranger, a non-relative).
- 6 limits: lowering the gaze, modest clothing, Islamic manners, avoiding what arouses desire, avoiding being alone, meetings for the good of society.
- 3 eyes that will not see Hell: one that kept awake, one that wept, one that did not look at what is forbidden.
- When alone together, the third is Satan (Bazzar).